You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize