If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
