so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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