Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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