Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
