i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
