you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
