I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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