I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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