How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
