Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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