my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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