i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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