Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
