Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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