I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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