are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
