I skipped work to stalk him.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
