Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
