we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
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cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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