so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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