they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
