I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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