Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
