mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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