it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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