i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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