More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
