when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A bitchslap is in order.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
