There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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