we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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