it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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