I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
