Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
