dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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