the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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