So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
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Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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