How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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