I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
