I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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