Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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