walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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