smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
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Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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