I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
