So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
