i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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