im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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