yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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