I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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