He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
