Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
