Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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