So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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