Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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