My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
