I puked a lego.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
