That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
