you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
