thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
