We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
