We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
