Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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